It has been a few days since my last post, but this little nugget is about the event on Sunday.
We got to the cafe right around 7, I signed in, gave a copy of my writings to Amy -- the organizer -- and began the long wait until I could get on stage and spit a few verses. (That's ghetto for "say a few poems" for all of you ebonics-illiterate types.) Ryan and Beth were with me, so we all sat up front, waiting. My stomach was in my mouth, as there were about 200 people there. The venue grew so large we had to move to the theater adjacent to the cafe. After about 10 minutes I realized I was not anxious, but excited to drop some knowledge on so many people.
I had two peices in mind. One is on the beauty in grafitti, and the second is a response that defends the clergy. (The original work is called Go_'s Work, by Talaam Acey. I think you can pick it up on iTunes. He posits the idea that modern-poets are closer to God than those in His service. Take a listen.)
Anyway, we waited. And waited. And waited. The people there ranged dramatically in talent. After a while, we were told they didn't have room for me, though more people continued to go up and share. I felt letdown, as though the organizers were telling me my words were worthless.
Dont get me wrong. I know they are not. I've been given a great gift and I know it will be used for the Good of the Kingdom but in that very moment I wanted to bellow my poetry at the top of my lungs and pierce the ears of all who came with my quick wit, wordplay and deep knowledge of the Spirit and the written word.
But needless to say, we left the theatre when it was all over and I was quiet. Ryan and Beth asked if I was ok and I, in all honesty, let out the aggression that was pent up inside of me in a healthy, righteous way. I wanted to cry. I nearly did and I didnt care about it one way or another. On the car ride home, Ryan and Beth listened to my graffiti piece and gave comments.
I am glad they always have my back. Their encouragement meant, and means, a lot.
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A ragged accumulation of writing.
7 comments:
I am sorry to hear that the evening did not go as you had hoped. When you have something you want to say so badly that it's almost bursting out of you, it's unfortunate to not be able to share it. But it sounds like what you had to say would have been interesting, I'm glad you at least got to spit a few verses for your friends. And hopefully you will have another opportunity soon. I think I would like to hear what you wanted to say.
I also have to tell you that I picked up a copy of New Seeds of Contemplation tonight. I am not far into it yet, but I love what I have read. I have been furiously underlining and it's exactly what I needed to read right now, so thank you for that recommendation. :)
Aziner, I am glad you picked up New Seeds. It does my heart a lot of good whenever I get through a couple of his pages. On page 111, he said something that profoundly spoke to me: "The poet enters into himself in order to create. The contemplative enters into God in order to be created."
I found that to be true; in order for me to write well, I must search the innards of myself and make the nonsense sensible in a way that I, in all of my masculine frailty, can understand. However, when I come to God, I do so willingly and lovingly, acknowledging and somehow relinquishing my Self to be hidden in the bosom of our Most High, that He might re-create me as the Man I was intended to be. I would like to talk about Merton more. If you go back to my first post, I think I mention him. Also, there needs to be an easier way to talk to you. Can we do coffee next weekend?
I didn't know you read Merton Keith. Or, if I did, I'd forgotten.
It does my heart a lot of good whenever I get through a couple of his pages.
That's exactly how I've been feeling about it. I went back and read your earlier post where you quote from the chapter Faith, that so filled my heart.
I like the quote from page 111 and your thoughts on it. There is a cycle, this natural and necessary ebb & flow to it. If I am only turning inward eventually anything creative I could ever hope to get out of myself will dry up. I must also be turning to my Creator and be enveloped by him or the nonsense within me will never be anything more than that.
As far as an easier form of communication, you can email me at azalea219@yahoo.com. And yes coffee next weekend sounds excellent. :)
happen to see any baseball this weekend? ;) (sorry! I couldn't resist)
Pete -- I picked up Merton mostly after college. I've read New Seeds as well as his journals/drawings/poetry called Dialogues With Silence. I kinda fell in love with his writings after living with Jeff Frieden.
Aziner, I was in Vegas for the weekend at a family reunion, so I couldnt watch any of the games all the way through. However, it should be needless to say that I was hurt by the Bombers gettin' swept. We've lost 4 straight now...
Keith, I am going to say something to you that I am pretty sure I have never said to another person before. Consider this personal growth for me - I am sorry for you that the Yankees lost. If it makes you feel any better, the Red Sox just got destroyed by Toronto. And you guys have this coming weekend to make up for last weekend.
How was your family reunion?
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