I have this deep desire inside me, placed there when I was just a boy with battered knees and broken lungs; I long to be a dad, to raise kids, to have a family of my own.
I want my sons (and daughters) to grow passionately into holy men and women, caring for the poor, the widow, the fatherless. I want to spin a destiny for my children so their lives are a reflection, not of me, but of my Father. I want them to cast big shadows and have strong shoulders: to be men of the earth, to use their hands for glory and their words to build kingdoms.
I want my daughters to be raised knowing their worth without burdens placed on their physical appearance; for them to know they are a loved beyond measure daughter of the King, princesses in his castle, precious thoughts to God Himself. I want them to grow into women of faith, character, tender-hearted strength.
In Hawaiian tradition, the naming of a child holds the weight of their destiny; the meaning of their name casts the die over their life, so to speak. A child is meant to grow into their name, much the same way we grow into our Manhood. That being said, I have not picked out names for my children, though there are a couple that I hold more dear than others. It is my hope that my wife will be okay with her children having Hawaiian names -- even if it is only the middle name -- as I think the continuance of my culture important; I hope it remains important to my children.
I do not remember my dad playing catch with me as a boy -- not once, not ever. I was talking to a good friend of mine this weekend while we were building a fence and I told him that I was very excited about playing catch with Azina at the park. (Azina being the awesome girl in my life, with perfect words always at the ready.) He was oddly interested at my excitement and told me I was acting like I had never played catch with my dad before. It was like I, a 24 year old man, had reverted to my 6 year old days. It was then I realized I hadn't. It was sort of an odd moment: epiphanaic. A couple of times we went fishing, I think, and I ended up eating the corn we were using for bait. I can recall a camping trip, some wrestling on the living room floor, the hugs after work. Everything physical sort of ended abruptly due to my asthma as a child, though we would eventually get together again to tickle, wrestle and fight. But that ended at my folks separation when I was but a child; I was one of those men without any sense of proper masculinity until taken in by my hanai father. It was then that he honed the skills and sense of honor that was already a part of me.
So now, years later, this sense of paternal longing is beginning to call to me in a sort of ebb and flow. At times it will be almost too much to bear -- the way I want to raise someone to see God with clear eyes and an open heart. At other times, though, its just... normal. I know I want kids but the desire isn't gripping me like a vice. Today is one of those vice-gripping days.
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A ragged accumulation of writing.
4 comments:
Ooo, I got it. Humuhumunukunukuapua'a, eh? It's Hawaiian, it's fun to say, and it has a built in nickname of "Trigger", that's just plain cool (Humu... a.k.a. Hawaiian Triggerfish). Unfortunately some drawbacks include being made fun of, kindergarten would be a challenge (having to spell it and all, though it is somewhat phonetic), and he would have to grow up to be a fisherman or somehow resemble a fish, which could be a problem.
You meant this in all seriousness, I know, I'm sorry. I lack a key brain pathway that allows normal people to take serious things seriously. I have struggled with it my whole life. Azina can vouch for me. :)
No worries, I totally get it. My kid brother's name is Keoki and he was called a lot of things, some of them being Keroppi (like the frog) and Karaoke (like singing.) So, I definitely up for middle names in Hawaiian, so long as the culture is perpetuated.
Joe's just jealous because he doesn't have a cool name. ;) Growing up there were times when I wished I had a "normal" name and that I didn't always have to tell people how to pronounce or spell my name. But now I really like that I'm the only Azina most people know. It's unique & special and I like that. I think if children are aware of their cultural heritage and the meaning behind their name it becomes easier to be different and gives them a sense of pride in where their family comes from. I think that's good.
Oh and Joe, little Humu could grow up to be an Olympic swimmer. :) Though from my understanding, humuhumunukunukuapua`a means small trigger fish with a small snout like a pig, probably uncool to name a child that.
Azina,
humu... means "Trigger fish (humuhumu) with a promintent nose (nukunuku -- nuku means snout) like a pig (pua`a)." The a in there acts as a linking particle within the doy of the word and the reduplification of the nuku is to show prominence of the nose.
As far as Hawaiian names go, I feel the same way; if the kid understands that it is a vital part of their mana (or spirit) and helps to explain them, I think they will relish in it. I sort of relate it to Engligh genealogical names (i.e. Sam son of John, son of Jameson) in which the town understands where the kid is coming from and where he is going.
Oh and Joe, humuhumunukunukuapua`a is very fun to say!
If I were to give my little Olympic swimmer a Hawaiian name, it would probably be something like Ali`iokekai, or Mano`omaika`inawai, which means "Royalty in the Sea" and "Shark of the Good Waters," respectively. :)
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